I always considered myself as having a really good memory. My killer short term memory as me through college with a respectable GPA and I’m good with names but this week has reminded me just how poor my memory is when it comes to some of life’s most important things.
The reason you hear so many Christians talk about how faithful God is is because He is! The times that I’ve prayed and tried really hard to trust God with important things in my life He’s always come through for me. Whether it’s been getting evicted and needing to find a new place to live or getting badly hurt without health insurance and needing his provision to pay big hospital bills He’s provided. He’s blessed me so many times and through him I’ve been able to be at peace with really difficult decisions because I know when I seek him first everything will work out. The thing is I’m constantly forgetting how faithful He is. I stress out so much about where my life is headed and I really have a hard time remembering just how many times God has come through for me. I really wish that I was dating the person I was going to marry and I catch myself in doubt that God cares or will ever bring her to me; even though He’s been so faithful with everything in the past.
When You’re single, at least for me, you sometimes wonder if you still have “it”. Am I still attractive? Do girls like me? If I asked that girl out would she say yes? Do I still got “it”? Even though I dated many girls and have more worldly stories involving exploits with the opposite sex that I shouldn’t be proud of I still find myself feeling so insecure in this area. This week I realize that the similar lack of faith I catch myself having with God I share with myself.
The faith I have in God and in myself is often the same.
Last Friday I spent the entire night in the company of different girls at different parties. All night while having conversations with these new people in the back of my mind I was always wondering if this person was girlfriend material or not. Do I was to pursue this girl romantically? Could I marry this person some day? At the last party of the night I met a group of church girls and I was stoked because the most important requirement was met, right? I thought I had chemistry with one girl in particular and might have been getting my hopes up. . . until we started playing truth or dare Jinga.
As you pull blocks for the Jinga tower you have to read what on the block and either perform the dare or answer the truth. This isn’t an R-rated game at all, it’s made for kids, but at the same time it’s open ended enough that if you want to make it saucy you can. For example one of the “truths” was: What’s the best time you’ve ever had on the beach? Now this particular (Christian) girl I was interested in got a question that read something like “What the craziest thing you’ve ever done in a car?” and she proceeded to tell a story of how she went down on a guy while he was driving! Damn it right?!? Not that’s I’m a saint or even that that’s never happened to me but, seriously that’s the story you go with?
I guess I’m just trying to process the fact that I need to trust God more in the whole future wife department, and that it’s really REALLY hard. Period.
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