I once told my community that I wasn't prideful, then I fell.

Hebrews 13:7-8
“Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and consider the result of their conduct, imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, yes and forever.”

Spiritual role models may be one of the most difficult things to find and as I’m growing in my understanding more and more of who Jesus is and the kind of life I’m called to live I can’t help but wonder, “Why did it take me SO LONG to get me to this place where I can finally really start following Christ!” The answer is one word and very simple: Pride. When I was 20 years old I used to have a friend named Zack Eckert (I’m probably spelling it wrong, I couldn’t find him on Facebook) who when he heard that I’d gone on a road trip to Canada with 3 other friends from our college youth group and totally lived like we weren’t Christian from 10 days he totally pursued me and came to my house and wanted to protect me from falling into a bad crowd but I pushed him away, I didn’t heed his advice, I wanted to live the way that I wanted. I remember Zack leaving notes taped to my door and leaving me voicemails wondering if I could make time for a devotional like we used to do together, but I remember thinking that he was too “fundamental” for me. It was a similar story with me friend Peder Wilkinson, around this same time he wanted to start a small group with me but I remember telling him that I didn’t think I should because I wasn’t living the way a leader should (wow, how responsible of me).

A few years later, around 22-23, I would meet a new pair of spiritual role models, Brian Ballard and Wayne Adler. I remember the two years I spent being a part of these guy’s youth group were really fruitful. They gave me a hunger to start reading and discussing the Bible more, made time to get to know me, and met with me for counsel during the week when I’d ask for it. But the road I’d decided to fork off of back when I was twenty had become the norm and at this point, and my conscious on certain matters was no longer sensitive but seared black from a growing pride that assured me with the ever present lie: I was a “good Christian”. Let me just say that there is nothing the devil wants us to do more than to think that we’ve reached a comfortable place in our faith. The benefits of this youth group began to decline (no doubt in part from my bad influence) and eventually ended completely when Brian moved away and shortly after Wayne as well. What I know I needed back then was someone to grab me by the shoulders, shake me, and say: “Do you have any idea how bad you’re blowing it! You’re not living like a disciple of God, you’re lukewarm at best, and you’re giving every real Christian a bad name!”

But no one did and I kept living exactly how I wanted , yeah I was still going to church, having quiet times in my bible (the quality of these times I’m sure now were miserable), going to small group, and volunteering in my church BUT I wasn’t living in the fear of the Lord, I hadn’t really repented from my sin because I kept falling back into it and in everything… was the pride. The pride that said, yeah I know this is wrong, but I’ll say I’m sorry and keep living the way I WANT to live. That’s not the way it works, you’re life needs to be submitted to the Lord, you’re life isn’t your own after you accept Christ for real. If you’re a true Christ follower then you’re going to be in your bible everyday getting to know the God that you’re living for. Thank God for spiritual role models like Allyson McMillion and Brittani Truby, who acted on the conviction that God put in their hearts to lead a small group with the topics they’d learned from their Youth With a Mission Discipleship Training School and for much more importantly living the same principles! Thank God for Andrew Dunn, for the good counsel he gave me to pursue a DTS of my own after I’d shared with him an interest I’d had to do one some months before.

And Finally, Thank GOD for being a Lord that pursues us relentlessly! Who keeps calling us again and again no matter how prideful we are, no matter how many things we experiment with, no matter how many doors of the enemy we open, no matter how bad of an example we are, no matter who we’ve made stumble in the past. God’s unconditional love will forgive us, but we can’t just say sorry, it’s a 180 degree turn we need to make toward a life lived in holiness and humility. It’s an impossible life we’ve called to live alone but it’s one that’s possible through the grace of Jesus. Humility is the key, it’s what we’re supposed to practice and if we want to claim the true destiny God has for us it’s something we need to embrace. I’ve been given so much grace and have begun to receive so much revelation about the pride I’ve always struggled and have renewed gratefulness that in His way and against my best effort He brought me here to make a change for real.

Here’s a killer sermon putting some of this stuff in better words, seriously if you want to start changing your life watch this!